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Monday, October 24th, 2005
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having posted that last bit, I'm migrating over to Blogger. I think I prefer the layout and what have you over there, and it seems a lot more...mature? more something, anyway. So future life-related posts can be found at:
http://shid0bu.blogspot.com/
it remains possible, however, that I may post writing snippets here as friends-only, so if that's something you're interested in, feel free to keep this lj friended.
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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So, this thing still exists. Funny how that works, eh?
hmm, so last entry was July something-or-other, since which school has started up again. Fun. I'd recap the last two months, but that'd probably be monotonous as hell.
Last week, however, was fairly interesting. Spent some 30-odd hours in the ENS labs working on my EE322C project. As much as I hate to admit it, it was kind of fun, though tiring as hell. I imagine if I had a class that was less coding oriented with a lab session I'd probably actually enjoy spending time in the lab. As it is, however, 8-hour coding marathons are more exhausting than they are enjoyable. I'll probably be spending more time in lab from now on, though. I kinda like working over there.
hmm, other than that, not much of note recently. Partied last night with the usual crew, which was fun as usual. Still not sure how to manage that whole scene, but I guess I don't really need to "manage" it as long as I'm having a good time. Which I did.
Also, it's about that time again, so I'm gonna be trying to write a 50k word novel in a month, which is always a trip. It's entirely possible excerpts of that will appear here, if any of them are acceptable enough to be released into the wild. For now, however, I'm just going to point out that, if you're not already doing NaNoWriMo, and have any kind of interest in writing or pretending to write, you should sign up. It's an interesting trip, even if you haven't written anything before. Link: www.nanowrimo.org . Check it out.
I think that's all I've got. See you in another few months, or whatever.
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haha, yeah..... I don't think I've written ANYTHING this summer. What a spot-on prediction that turned out to be. In any event, I have a 15+ page assignment due in government in a little over 12 hours, so as would any diligent student, I am posting here to procrastinate, and also because elissa said she would cut me if I didn't, and I'm not taking any chances.
So instead of actually being productive with my summer, I am taking remedial government for the terminally stupid at ACC, and spending 8+ hours a day playing World of Warcraft. This game is digital crack, I swear to god. I would ramble about it, but I don't think anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.
hmm...so otherwise, there's basically nothing going on. I think we're going camping soon, maybe? someone get back to me on this, as I have no idea what the plan is.
my social life has completely died. Austin people, where are you and what are you doing? I haven't gone out to do things with people in forever, which really annoys me on the occassions I'm not busy fighting lvl 42 Boodfuryragedemon Trolls of Might or whatever the mob of the day is. Things must be done.
Yeah, I have no idea what else to put here, this summer is incredibly boring, and what few interesting thoughts I can stir up, are not allowed in a public journal, as they involve actual musings and introspection, as opposed to just coffeeshop existential angs or whatever.
So yeah, call me, we'll do stuff.
Out.
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hmm, no substantive updates since spring break. I should stop neglecting this thing. Of course, I say that every time, and every time, I just go back to neglecting it. C'est la vie.
So the semester finally ended, which is good, as it was basically hell on earth. I've basically completely failed to find a job, which sucks, because I really wanted one. I've not quite given up, but almost. In the meantime, I'm trying to devote more of my day to writing, instead of school or jobhunting or Mythbusters marathons. It's going really, painfully slow, and I can't for the life of me understand why. Except that my ability to write has been steadily declining.
|-- insert multiple-hour distraction from writing this entry here --|
Or that I have the attention span of an attention-deficit goldfish.
In any event, I'm kinda looking for a group of people I know who write to Round Table with, so as to motivate as well as entertain, so if you're interested, drop me a line.
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I've pimped this to a few people individually, but I'll put it here to see if anyone else is interested. It's a collaborative novel writing community, which strikes me as pretty cool. If you're interested, check it out and leave a comment so I can know if this accomplished anything.
Collaborative Noveling Project
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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
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As is usually the case when this thing gets written
in, I've been having one of those damnable evenings of introspection
tonight, but unfortunately I'm stuck in my parent's house, so no
wandering campus at 2AM staring at the stars for me [not that I do that
anyway *ahem* I'm a manly man, I am!]. Still, definitely thinking about
things and stuff and other not-so-clearly-defined concepts. I was
looking at my buddylist today [it's sad, I know, when AIM sends
me spiraling into introspection], and I realized that, more often than
not, I have literally dozens of friends online at any given time, yet
I'm not talking to any of them. That wasn't the surprising bit. What
was surprising, however, was that my failure to "socialize" wasn't due
to the fact that no one online was really a good friend, or that they
were all idling on AIM while doing other things, but rather, I
genuinely had nothing to say to anyone. If you know me at all [and the
fact that you're reading this indicates that you do, or at any rate
ought to], you realize this shouldn't really be a surprise, since I'm
generally a fairly quiet person [with the notable exception of when I
kick into debate mode]; but still, it was odd to realize that I
actually wanted to talk to people, but, having nothing to say,
had no way of going about this. I think I've just gotten used to only
having serious conversations with individual people, or letting them
carry the conversation, and just injecting responses where appropriate.
I don't know where along the way I lost the ability to just have fun
conversations with people, if I ever had it. Either way, though, I want
it back. being socially ept in group situations is great and all, but
being unable to just make smalltalk with individuals seems like a
fairly significant gap in my interpersonal skillset. I guess I can
think of a few people whom I can just talk to and have fun with without
being in a group setting, but they can be counted on one hand. [I'll
spare them the trauma/horror of actually being named]. It seems like I
ought to be able to do that with people in general. This will need to
be rectified; I don't have the faintest idea how, but it will.
Once again, despite promises to the contrary, I've
gone the emo-post route. Then again, if you actually read this, I
assume that's something you expect by now, so joke's on you; HA!
( To break up the monotony, what say we have a runthrough of the break thusfar: )
Peace out.
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it's been a really weird week. I got back into the habit of leaving the house/dorm in the afternoon / evening and just wandering around, which has led to some interesting discoveries. Being surrounded by people here on campus has been getting to me lately, and until this week, I thought it was just something I'd have to deal with, but I started going on walks, and I found a lot of really cool places where people don't generally go which are really nice for just sitting and getting some alone time. It's also had the effect of making this campus seem a lot less run down and a lot more inviting. While most of the bits you usually see when you walk around campus are pretty dirty and worn, there are pockets of the campus that are downright awesome. These places have come at a really convenient time, since school is tearing me apart from stress. I'm getting to levels of stress that rival junior year, and if you knew me then, you know that means quite a bit. I really hate being this stressed, but it seems like it's just something I have to deal with as an EE. I need a release like you wouldn't believe.
on a happier note, I think I'm settling back in as far as social groups here. Things are still a bit tumultuous, but I feel like I have good friends I can talk to, and that's a really nice feeling. I hung out with Lea twice this weekend, which was cool. I always feel bad that I don't hang out with the Westwood kids enough [ironically, since I was afraid I wouldn't be able to isolate myself from them before I got here]. I have new good friends, but it's really unfortunate that I don't see people who I've been friends with for the past 7 years even though they live just across campus. Says something about my highschool friendships, I guess.
There's no way to write one of these posts that isn't whiney and emo, is there?
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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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it's 4AM, and I'm regressing like a madman. It's weird, if I look at life since I got to college, and compare it to high school, the parallels are more numerous than I could ever have imagined. If you read back a bit, you'll recall that I had really hoped in high school to change myself when I got to college, and be more mature about my interpersonal relationships, especially the way I relate to the girls I hang out with. That doesn't seem to have happened at all, and that failure to transition is making itself more and more apparent recently. I still have the same problems of figuring out who are real, honest, confide-in-them friends, and who are more just friends of convenience or people to pass the time with. I still can't figure out what the hell I'm thinking relationship-wise most of the time. I still don't honestly know who I'm going to be hanging out with next semester, or really, even a week or two from now. I don't know why I thought all this was taken care of last semester, but it seems clear to me now that nothing has really changed. More importantly, perhaps, it is becoming clear to me that nothing will change unless I take positive action to change it. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to go about doing that, so that "revelation" is essentially useless. As far as relationships, or the potential therein, go, I'm getting to the point where I'm drawing individual to individual comparisons between people I'm dealing with now, and people I dealt with in the past, as it were. These comparisons are most disturbing to me, oddly enough, primarily because knowing how these situations played themselves out in High School makes me gun-shy to even consider reentering their parallels here, even though rationally, I know that these are different people, with different reactions and motivations. Additionally, I'm once again beginning to miss the fluidity of my social status from last semester. It seems like there's a dearth of new people for me to meet and interact with, which leaves me wondering how to take action to change when I've once again ingrained myself in a group here. it's not that I don't like having a group to hang out with, but it seems like there are gaps in my social scene that are going unfilled because of my limit [self-imposed or non] on the people I know and meet.
Only 6 semesters left, I guess things'll change in Grad School...
...or not.
[next time, less whining, I promise]
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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blargh. This has been a fairly interesting semester so far, and to be fair, I wish it would be less so. I'm talking to Sun and Intel re: getting a job this summer, I'm insanely and painfully busy with adv. circuit theory, logic design, and differential equations, each of which is enough in and of itself to occupy a semester, and in addition, I'm still trying to have fun and hang out and the usual mish-mash of social-type-things. I am getting very, very burned out. It sucks.
In related news, I've recently been caused by things like the aformentioned job hunt and other issues to confront the fact that I am getting OLD. This scares me, because I'm basically still a 5 year old in most respects. 5 year olds should not be arranging their own housing, getting jobs, or worrying about where they're getting their next paycheck. Growing up just scares the hell out of me, because it always seems like it's just more responsibility and less time. I like my time, and I don't tend to have enough of it to begin with. The realization that I'm virtually an adult scares me. Especially in contrast with our latest hobby around here: playing games on the NES and SNES. It's like one huge time paradox. scary.
Meanwhile, my social life remains twisted as ever, and mostly in the same ways it's always been. Damn you, lack of social skills!
In any event, my arms are getting tired, because I have no good means to compute from bed, despite the wireless router that makes it possible, so I'm going to end this here. Further postings as need to procrastinate warrant
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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ask and ye shall recieve, I suppose. Yesterday [yeah, I'm updating two days in a row. It's weird, I know] I bitched about how I haven't gotten together with anyone since I've been home, so of course today I spent a good three or four hours at Spider House with Catherine DiSanza, which was awesome, since we haven't hung out in forever. At least 3 semesters, to be more precise. We met up around 1 or 1:30 and honestly, I only expected to hang out for an hour or so, seeing as how she wasn't all that talkative last time we talked, and I've never been any good at carrying a conversation. Luckily, we both had more stories to tell than I anticipated, and we ended up talking until around 5, at which point I had to call it short to go pick up my little sister. It's been a long time since I talked to anyone for that length of time, and even though it was just reminiscing and back and forth storytelling [as opposed to Deep Meaningful Conversation (tm)], it was really nice.
Now I'm back home cleaning my room and packing to move back into the dorms tomorrow. I am convinced that this is the most unfulfilling packing ever, since I'm only moving all this crap a half hour down I-35. It feels silly to plan a move in time and all that, since I can basically get someone to drive me down whenever, but nevertheless I have planned this, and feel completely stupid for it.
In other, nerdier news, my dad accidentally gave away the old wireless router he used to have in our house, which I had laid dibs on prior to his giveaway. This is causing me much consternation, since it means I have to work with him to find a new one for my dorm. This wouldn't be so bad, except he tends to forget that it's his fault I have to do this, and starts chastizing me for not being thorough enough about it. Of course, for him, "being thorough" means finding the 7 nerds in the world who will say bad things about every router ever designed, so that I will never feel good shelling out cash for any of them. This is really effing annoying.
ok, back to cleaning. evil, evil cleaning.
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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wow, I've been in town precisely one week, and already, I'm bored as shit. This may be [is] caused by the fact that I haven't really gotten together with anyone [except for alumni day and the subsequent debate tournament]; but being the person that I am, I'm going to go ahead and blame that too on being here. Being at home makes me feel like I'm in high school again, so while honestly, my parents probably wouldn't mind me heading out to chill with people, I feel like I still need their permission. It's weird, and I really, really don't like it. That having been said, I plan to be back in the dorms and on campus thursday night. While this is a little bit later than I had originally planned, it'll be good to be back. In more or less unrelated news, now that we've finished Legends and I've gone through my [downloaded] collection of comics, it's getting harder and harder to fulfill my X-Men addiction. I spent today watching X2 once straight through, then again with the commentary instead of the usual sound. Unfortunately, finding the comics for free is pretty hard, since collecting digital versions of comics isn't exactly commonplace.
^I typed that about 2 hours ago, and have spent the last two hours looking for comics. I am distracted far too easily. This will have to suffice as a closing.
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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Last entry of any merit was what, 4.5 months ago? I guess the bar for "merit" has risen a bit...
In any event, I'm chilling out at home now on winter break, laughing at my sister as she goes to school. Spent the last few weeks in India, which was cool. It's disturbing how little the tsunami affected me there. It hit the beach across town from where I was staying, but it never really seemed like it was happening to me. I don't know why, it was weird. I think I've developed a habit of reading about disasters, pidogenholeing the relevant facts into my brain, and moving on; they don't really affect me anymore. I'm not sure I like that.
Aside from the Tsunami, events in india were fun. Spent a lot of time catching up with extended family, most of whom still think I'm 10 years old or thereabouts. That's probably to be expected, since I would have been around that age last time they saw me, but it was disorienting nonetheless. It also made for a less than stellar new years eve, since my similarly-aged cousins took off for parties with friends and left me and my sister [age 15] with a bunch of 40+ aunts and uncles and my grandparents. Not exactly the prime party environment. The rest of the trip was better, except for the bits where I got dragged shopping with mom and sister. I got far more reading done there than I expected. Books read include, but are not limited to:
Night Watch - Terry Pratchett
Pyramids - Terry Pratchett
Soul Music - Terry Pratchett
Contact - Carl Sagan
Sputnik Sweetheart - Haruki Murakami
Trojan Oddessy - Clive Cussler
Thus Spoke Zarathustra - Friedrich Neitzsche
Ulysses - James Joyce
I'm actually in the middle of the last of those, but I think it's a respectable sized list nonetheless.
It feels like this break is over, and additionally like it was too damn short. I suspect that I'm underestimating the amount of time left, but my calendar begs to differ. Alumni day on friday, from which I guess I'll be skiving off early to judge Stony Point. Who all are going to alumni day, and does anyone actually intend to go where you're told? I figure they [the school] don't really have any authority over me anymore, so I'll just visit whichever teachers I feel like visiting. Hope they don't mind.
On a final, unrelated to goings on note, everyone should check out the band Two Guy Trio. They're a local pop-alt [or something to that effect, I suck at music classification] group, and they're quite good.
I can't think of a witty signoff.
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Friday, December 10th, 2004
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this isn't really an issue for anyone, but I just discovered that the linux aim client named centericq allows you to read and edit livejournals from within the client
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Friday, August 20th, 2004
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I'm finally moved in, and all in all, the process was pretty damn near painless. Finding Carothers, on the other hand, was not. This building is on a part of campus I've never had any call to visit, and therefore every time I step out the door, I am completely lost. Hopefully, this will pass in time.
Met my roommate briefly. He seems like a cool bloke.
Resnet is working, and was much easier than I expected to set up, so yay for that.
I really need to find something to do, because I'm starting to get really bored of the inside of my room. Unfortunately, I am now carless, and it's a few million degrees outside, so unless something interesting is happening in this building or in Andrews [which is apparently connected by a study-lounge-tunnel], it's going to take an awful lot to get me to said thing.
Classes aren't till wednesday, so this should be an enjoyable 4 day weekend.
More postings as events warrant
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Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
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yay, update! [or boo, update, I suppose, if you don't really like reading boring rants]
Move-in day is creeping consistently closer, and I'm waffling between feeling like I'm not doing nearly enough to prepare, and feeling way too concerned about moving in. This, I've found, results in lots of time spent staring at the pile of things that eventually need to end up in a box. I figure move in itself shouldn't be too bad, I'm not going to have a whole lot, and I'm on the first floor, so I figure one trip, maybe 2 at most, with a hand cart ought to cover it. It's disturbingly likely that I will continue to live out of those boxes for the entire semester, though. We'll see.
On an only tangentially related note, My sister started back up at Westwood monday. This amuses me to no end, because for the first time in recent years, I get to go to sleep before she can. It's also nice to be able to wander out of the house when she starts doing homework, as it makes the freedom of summer so much more valuable being able to see what I would be doing this time last year. [Of course, there's also the joy of being able to laugh at her complaints, but I'd like to think I'm not that mean.]
It's going to be interesting to see how the rest of this week progresses. We've been hanging out pretty regularly the last few days, and I'm wondering if that'll intensify or taper off as we all get set to leave. Either way, it'll be an interesting 1 Day, 22 Hours, and 35 minutes.
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There's nothing like spending a full 14 hours doing exactly jack squat to convince you that you have no friends and that the ones you think you do have are avoiding you. Of course, I have friends, and I doubt they're actively avoiding me, but 14 hours of down time can be disturbingly convincing. Somehow, whenever I have 4 tests and 3 assignments due the monday after a weekend, I have all kinds of fun and constructive hobbies I can engage in instead of doing school work. If I have exactly nothing to do for a weekend, however, I can't think of a single non-sedentary thing to do. As a result, about 6 different web pages got a few dozen hits from me today, and they didn't even update. Won't they be surprised.
No, I think not.
Additionally, I find myself wandering aimlessly around my house for hours on end, which really confuses my parents since they can't fathom a reason for me to keep walking and aimlessly opening doors. Of course, I can't fathom one either, and if I were acting rationally, I'd be writing or something, not playing Night of the Living Dead. I actually discovered that I can learn about graph theory from one of the books on my bookshelf, which masquerades as a Data Structures textbook. I know what you're thinking, but no, I didn't actually learn about graph theory, I simply noticed that one of the chapters of said book is "Graph Theory: an Introduction" when I opened it on my desk without rhyme or reason.
One would think a high school senior with a car and a free weekend could get into some at least marginally amusing hijinks, but apparently as long as there are carpets which need walking on, away messages which need reading, and music which needs listening to, one would be wrong.
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So I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind today, and was very, very impressed. I can't wait for it to come out on video so I can buy it and watch it a few more times. Did I mention it was really good? Well it is. The rest of the evening was good too, though I think I came across as though I was on drugs or something, because I was a lot more disconnected and oddball than usual. Either way, good times were had by all. Ap's continue on monday, and I sorely wish they did not.
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As high school is functionally over, I've found myself looking more and more towards college, and how all that's going to work out. For the last four years [and maybe more, I don't really remember] College has been this more or less intangible nexus where everything changes. Whenever there was a problem I couldn't figure out a solution to, the answer has always been "mreh, I'll go to college and it'll go away." Of course, college is becoming more tangible and accessable these days, and the more I think about it, the more I feel like these next four years aren't going to be any different from the last four. This issue has a lot of different facets to it, but a lot of it stems from the fact that I'm going to school in the same town I've more or less grown up in. As far as I can tell, there's no forseeable point at which my current life ends and my new one begins. Admittedly, that kind of break is more symbolic than anything, but there's a time for symbolism, and I think this is one of those times. College is, in my mind, the biggest lifestyle change since being born, and it seems like there ought to be some point at which it's clear that High School Arvind is dead, and College Arvind is born. With UT, I can't see that happening. What I do see, is the same group of people, with the same preconceptions about each other and the world, relocating down the street and continuing exactly as before until we all go our separate ways for graduate school. I'm not really leaving my parents in any meaningfull way, all my old haunts will be just a few minutes up the road, and most of what, to me, was most representative of this life will be following me into the next, and I don't feel like college ought to be that way. It's not that I resent or dislike the friends I have now, I mean they're great people, but I really needed that fresh start, and it's doubtful if I'm going to get it. It's like high school was this formative period, where I did a lot of stupid, stupid things, and said even more of them. When you switch to a real bike, you don't carry your training wheels around with you, and when you go to college, it seems to me that you ought to be able to leave your training persona at home. Well, I've been a bit more angsty than I meant to be, and at the end of the day, four years isn't that long. Things'll change in Graduate School.
Looks like I've got a new mantra.
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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
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| Subject: | Days go By |
| Time: | 8:46 pm. |
| Mood: | writey [see, I can make up words too]. | | Music: | U2 - Beautiful Day. |
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Bah. APs start TUESDAY. and from tuesday until graduation, I'm gonna be in a state of more or less constant testing. May is going to be hell. On a lighter note, the more I think about it, the less I really care about said tests, so at least I won't be developing an aneurysm or anything. Boo Tests.
I'm finally figuring out how to take good, flash-less pics with my camera, which means I can a) be stealthy with it b) use it without annoying people and c)get true-to-life lighting with it. good times for all, especially the subset of all who actually see the pictures I take with this thing.
Hmm, I'd better stop this before I use up all my writing-momentum. Teh novels summon me.
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there probably ought to be a post-prom recap here, but that's trite, and I'd rather not. Instead, I would like to have it known that I am very much bothered when tv characters encapsulate pieces of myself. It's unnerving. I've always thought of TV as the realm of overaction and stereotyping, so when scriptwriters actually encapsulate something I've experienced and felt, it really bothers me. And to top it off, they're usually more eloquent/slick about it than I am. damn them!
in any event, I like my cricket ball. If you catch me playing with it, feel free to engage a game of catch or whatever. I'd be happy to oblige.
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shidobu's journal
bored.
eh.
contemplative.
pleased.